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My partner says I am making a big deal out of nothing.
Addiction is a real problem with very real consequences. The goal of the addict is to protect their supply and hide their behavior which often means that they deflect blame onto you and minimize their own behavior.
Is this my fault?
No matter what you may have been told, you did not cause your spouse’s addiction. There is nothing you can do to cure their addiction and you are not able to control their addiction. The problem and the cure lie with the addict alone.
How can my partner be addicted to porn but not interested in sex with me?
50% of sex addicts lose interest in sex with their partner. You represent reality and reality is what the addict is trying to escape. Their brain has been rewired to be aroused only by the addiction.
Could this be affecting my health?
69% of partners experience moderate to severe levels of post traumatic stress disorder with the following reported symptoms: hyper vigilance, sleeplessness, irritability, inability to focus, depression, numbness and obsessive thoughts.
What if my partner has been in their addiction for decades, can they still recover?
Absolutely, a new life is possible for anyone regardless of how deeply rooted is their addiction.
Can I heal, even if my spouse chooses not to?
Absolutely, your recovery does not in any way rely upon the decision your spouse makes about their own recovery. You can choose to heal, move through this and even thrive regardless of which path your spouse chooses.
What do I do now?
Addiction thrives in isolation. The best thing you can do for yourself is seek support from people who really understand this addiction. Too often, well meaning friends and family invalidate your instincts and minimize the problem. An addiction specialist can help you work through your shock, trauma and anger and support you in setting healthy boundaries and creating a safety plan for the future.
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